Why can't I see myself?

I can't picture me graduating, but I can picture me dropping out. I can't picture me getting a high position for any good job, but I can see myself never getting a job. High school is over in three years. Why can't I picture myself graduating? I see myself being held back. I can't see myself studying. And when I do, I see myself crying. When I study (like yesterday) I cry. Why do I cry when I study? I'm gaining knowledge. Knowledge is one of the most greatest gifts. I don't understand! It's not right to call yourself stupid when you don't understand something. But I feel so stupid.

You go into something with high hopes that you'll find the answers you desire. But then it doesn't go out the way you expected it too. You are told you are a monster and no, it's not the first time. You were sad for a whole year, then happy for only so long, then suddenly, you are torn apart by what you think is the truth. What are you supposed to do? Where do I get the confidence and regain my hope? The answer to all my questions is all around me, but why does it feel so far away?