Great things!

School is amazing! I love all my classes and teachers!! ALL OF THEM ARE AWESOME. There really isn't any class that I don't like. So yesterday was the season 2 finale of Shear Genius. Dee won so tha't cool. I don't really care who wins because I ended up liking the final three.

Gross but normal thing happened yesterday. I felt my heart beat through my stomach (my pulse). It was funny. Tuesday after school my teeth started to hurt when I chewed. It went away today so that's good. Today is a wonderful day. Especially after lunch in English class. My teacher has the funniest stories from his childhood. He's so funny. And we listened to sounds that only certain people can hear. It's pretty awesome!

But jeez! We have 6 periods and THEN lunch. I get soo hungry by fourth period. And that was the time last year when I would have a snack. I could just sneak it in if I'm not allowed. But last year the teacher's wouldn't care so I kind of just ate. Other people did that so it's automatically alright if I do it, haha. :p Now, we can't even sneak food into out mouthes during class. My fourth period (NSL. It's funny because when I was a freshie, I had U.S. History, and they're both in the Social Studies category. Just thought I'd mention that.) teacher is strict. You have to share with her if you're going to eat, and I don't like sharing. And I'm still getting used to her. She's cool though! Lunch is boring as hell though. That's the only negative part.

Travis has been online day after day. It's awesome! But something's wrong again. I don't know what to do about it.

It rips me apart

Went to bed at 1:20 and actually feel asleep at 2 something. Woke up at 8:40. And during the time I was trying to fall asleep I just kept thinking. I want to say it so badly. But I'm not allowed. I'm not even allowed to think, I don't think. Actually, I'm not allowed to do a lot of things, let alone hang out with my friends outside of school. I mean honestly I don't effing care about hanging out with friends anymore, outside of school. Hanging out with friends outside of school is the LEAST of my concerns. It just sucks that I'm not allowed to try to make someone that I love, happy.

Just the thought of the happiness outside of this room brings me to tears. I feel like I wasted my whole summer. The beginning was amazing though. The thought that the feeling isn't there anymore, is becoming a reality and it's scaring me. The images the pop in my head is like the way suicide affects the people around. Well, not that extreme, but you get my idea. It hurts. I angers me.

This song explains how I feel:

Have you ever felt alone?
As the night closes in around you.
You keep yourself busy.
Trying to forget the sound of silence.
She’s all alone. On this, the darkest of nights.
She’s on her own, but somehow she’ll make it through alright.
Time passes slowly. Oh so slowly.
A storm looms overhead.
And all you keep thinking,
Is how you wish somebody was here beside you. Beside you!
She’s all alone. On this, the darkest of nights.
She’s on her own, but somehow she’ll make it through alright.
Alright!
She’s all alone. On this, the darkest of nights.
She’s on her own, but somehow she’ll make it through alright.

FINALLY

A GREEN CHECKMARK!! But the conversation is just not the same.
The sun is only showing half its face.

Feuled with hope

Or feuled by hope... I'm not sure. But the point of the matter is, I am hopeful again. I just did a typical survey I found floating on the myspace bulletins. It was about my "number 1" That person is Travis. And while I took it, I gradually gained faith and hope that this can work. I'm going to keep waiting until he comes around. Ohhh I love him so much!

Why do I do this?

I torture myself by looking at pictures I know that are just going to put my to tears. I was looking through Warped Tour pictures that my friends took. And now I'm crying my eyes out. I am forever drowning in my tears. So Ada couldn't find The Devil Wears Prada's tent, but it's fine. I thanked her on Facebook for actually being willing to do all those things for me. I hope she had a fabulous time.

And today is just another day. Travis isn't online. I don't know why I'm so surprised still. I highly doubt he'll ever stay on for more than five minutes anymore. Okay well I'm going to listen to Rock Kills Kid and read all the conversations Travis and I had when we were friends (I just pray that we still are). The five bands I absolutely want to see are The Devil Wears Prada, Before Their Eyes, and Relient K. Hah, it's no surprise they're all Christian bands! Christian bands are more inspiring to me than secular ones. But I love them both.

I was reminded again by an older friend of mine. It is about money. I took piano lessons for one year in eighth grade but then I stopped because we didn't have enough money. That and violin. I had to stop violin AND piano lessons because of financial issues. I never realized how bad it really was until couple weeks ago. My dad's looking for another job because he has a business of his own, but the market or whatever isn't doing so well. I don't want them to be stressed. I'm scared. Oh, and I feel the need to post the following because it is what gets me through each day.

"When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not drown. When you're in a fix, it won't be a dead end. Because I am God. Your personal God. I paid a huge price for you. That is how much you mean to me." -Isaiah 13:2 (The message)